Centre for Applied Mateship
Studies informal obligation, disputed rounds and the constitutional force of “you right, mate?”
Peninsula Institute
PISSTAKE
Preventing clarity and understanding through the closest possible examination of the facts.
Independent inquiry since records became unclear
Peninsula Institute for Society, Science, Technology, Arts and Knowledge Erosion
A multidisciplinary institution dedicated to reducing the world’s surplus of definite conclusions.
Administrative correction
The former Knowledge Expansion programme was discontinued after several participants appeared to learn something. Knowledge Erosion now states the Institute’s purpose with greater candour and fewer measurable outcomes.
Statement of intentional complexity
Mission Statement
The Peninsula Institute exists to prevent clarity and understanding through the closest possible examination of the facts.
By interrogating every detail, contextualising every context and qualifying each conclusion until it no longer recognises itself, we transform straightforward questions into enduring programmes of research.
We believe that no truth is so plain that it cannot, with sufficient rigour, be responsibly obscured.
FoundedRetrospectively
StatusAlmost accredited
MethodClose erosion
FindingsFurther research
Current programmes · outcomes withheld
Research divisions
Laboratory of Replication Avoidance
Ensures that promising findings remain promising by protecting them from the strain of being repeated.
Artificial Stupidity Unit
Automates conclusions formerly reached by committee, prejudice and a man who had read half the executive summary.
Office of Interpretive Compliance
Determines what the artist intended, particularly when the artist has unwisely expressed a contrary view.
Erosion & Sediment Faculty
Wears facts smooth through handling, then deposits them downstream in policy documents.
Public Gulls Observatory
Examines coastal taxation by beak, chip vulnerability and whether possession survives a low aerial pass.
All findings are provisional until funding is renewed.
Persons of uncertain standing
Committee Members
All appointments are provisional, honorary and subject to retrospective denial.
File 01 · Ballymagaleen
Giles na Magaleen
Chair and Senior Fellow in Recreational Hermeneutics
- Credentials
- B.A. (Occasional); M.Litt. (Unopened); Hon. D.Pub.; F.PISSTAKE.
- Abridged CV
- The Committee’s sole representative from Ballymagaleen, Giles has conducted extensive fieldwork in licensed premises, specialising in disputed rounds, unreliable recollection and the evidentiary value of saying, “I was there, but I saw nothing.” His paper, Closing Time as an Epistemological Boundary, remains widely cited by people unable to remember reading it.
File 02 · Applied mateship
Barry “Baz” McGurk
Deputy Chair and Professor of Applied Mateship
- Credentials
- B.Mates (Hons); M.Ute (Load Restraint); PhD in Comparative Esky Logistics; F.Aust.Yarn.
- Abridged CV
- Baz has completed more than twenty years of participant observation at barbecues, boat ramps and regional footy sheds. He developed the McGurk Mateship Index, measuring the likely duration of a repair after somebody says, “She’ll be right.” His interests include ute-tray epistemology, informal lending and folding-chair distribution during national emergencies.
File 03 · Semiotics
Sharon “Shazza” Bickford
Secretary and Reader in Servo Semiotics
- Credentials
- Dip.Pie; M.A. in Yeah–Nah Studies; PhD in No-Worries Governance; Cert. IV in Minute Avoidance.
- Abridged CV
- Shazza is an internationally unrecognised authority on the language of service stations. Her doctoral research demonstrated that “yeah, nah” and “nah, yeah” constitute separate systems of consent requiring entirely different snacks. She has catalogued more than 600 pie-warmer gestures and leads a longitudinal study of “too easy” when nothing is.
File 04 · Finance
Darren “Dazza” McSweeney
Treasurer and Chair of Sausage-Sizzle Economics
- Credentials
- B.Com. (Receipts Pending); Grad.Dip. Sauce Allocation; D.Econ. in Onion Risk; Associate of the Institute of Loose Change.
- Abridged CV
- Dazza specialises in the invisible movement of money between gold-coin donations, raffle tins and emergency trips to the bottle-o. His Snagonomics Model explains how a two-dollar sausage generates fourteen dollars in administrative overhead. He has balanced every Institute budget except the income, expenditure and cash columns.
File 05 · Close examination
Warren “Wazza” Kettle
Director of Close Examination and Professor of Corrugated-Iron Epistemology
- Credentials
- B.Shed; M.Rust; PhD in Verandah-Based Knowledge Systems; Cert. III in Advanced Tarping.
- Abridged CV
- Wazza can identify seventeen grades of corrugated iron solely from the sound of rain upon them. His work asks whether a carport becomes a patio when somebody introduces a plastic chair, and whether a shed containing a fridge is residential. His definitive three-volume monograph, Having a Good Look at It, reaches no conclusion.
File 06 · Littoral debris
Kylie “Kyles” Nankervis
Keeper of the Seal and Shell and Professor of Littoral Debris
- Credentials
- B.Beach; M.Thong in Single-Loss Studies; D.Sc. in Esky-Lid Drift; Order of the Zinc Nose.
- Abridged CV
- Kyles pioneered the scientific mapping of solitary thongs above the high-water mark. Her research suggests that an unattended esky lid may travel farther than its owner, particularly during school holidays. She maintains the ceremonial shell, supervises molluscan protocol and determines which side of a beach towel constitutes the front.
File 07 · Monumentality
Trevor “Trev” Callaghan
Convenor of Committees and Distinguished Fellow in Roadside Monumentality
- Credentials
- Dip.Big Things; M.A. in Oversized Fruit Interpretation; PhD in Regional Car-Park Aesthetics; F.Roadside.
- Abridged CV
- Trev studies the Australian practice of making ordinary objects enormous and placing them beside highways. His principal question—“At what scale does produce become infrastructure?”—has generated nine committees and no answer. Under the Callaghan Enlargement Threshold, anything less than four metres tall is merely enthusiastic.
File 08 · Ethics and gulls
Neville “Nev” Pickering
Ethics Officer and Professor of Comparative Gull Behaviour
- Credentials
- B.Gull; M.Chip in Defensive Catering; PhD in Coastal Avian Opportunism; Licensed Operator of a Lidded Bin.
- Abridged CV
- Nev studies the command structures and acquisitional tactics of gulls around beaches, ferry terminals and fish-and-chip shops. His Chip-Vulnerability Index predicts theft according to wind speed, chip length and eye contact. He maintains that gulls do not steal food but impose an undocumented coastal tax. As Ethics Officer, Nev insists that research be conducted beneath a reinforced beach umbrella.
Governing documents · more or less
The Spurious Constitution and By-Laws of PISSTAKE
Adopted at a meeting subsequently found to have been inquorate.
We, the occasionally assembled members of the Peninsula Institute for Society, Science, Technology, Arts and Knowledge Erosion—hereinafter referred to as PISSTAKE—do establish this Constitution in order to prevent clarity and understanding through the closest possible examination of the facts.
Article I — Name
- The organisation shall bear the name stated above.
- The acronym PISSTAKE shall be pronounced with a degree of solemnity unsupported by the circumstances.
Article II — Objects
- To examine every fact until it becomes ambiguous.
- To transform straightforward questions into enduring research programmes.
- To promote interdisciplinary misunderstanding.
- To publish conclusions demonstrating the urgent need for further conclusions.
- To commemorate persons, places and events whose existence remains under review.
- To ensure no truth is so plain that it cannot be responsibly obscured.
Article III — Membership
- Membership is open to supporters of the objects and persons absent when elected.
- Categories include Fellows, Senior Fellows, Visiting Fellows, Persons of Uncertain Standing and People Who Were Just Passing.
- Unpaid subscriptions remain in good standing while vigorously disputed.
- Resignations are considered at the meeting where the member is accidentally re-elected.
Article IV — Officers
- The President prevents premature progress.
- The Vice-President supports the President publicly and contradicts them privately.
- The Secretary records the minutes and, where necessary, several hours.
- The Treasurer maintains the funds with appropriate plausible deniability.
- The Director of Close Examination ensures no fact emerges intact.
- The Keeper of the Seal and Shell governs insignia and molluscan protocol.
Article V — Meetings
- Notice shall be sufficient for those already aware of the meeting.
- The agenda circulates afterwards to discourage preparation.
- A quorum includes anyone repeatedly mentioned in their absence.
- Every motion shall be amended until unrelated to its purpose.
- Tied votes are examined until the need for decision passes.
- Minutes are an accurate record regardless of what occurred.
Article VI — Committees
- A committee shall be formed whenever a matter appears capable of immediate resolution.
- A subcommittee may be appointed when signs of clarity emerge.
- Reports shall wait until their circumstances become irrelevant.
- No committee dissolves without a working group on the implications.
Article VII — Evidence and Publications
- Facts are provisional; supportive facts remain definitive until lunchtime.
- Recognised authorities are preferred and circular citation encouraged.
- Plain English yields to a longer Latinate expression.
- Every publication concludes that further research is required.
- A report understood on first reading must be revised.
Subordinate provisions of superior importance
By-Laws
1 · Interpretation
Any ambiguity shall be interpreted in whatever manner best preserves the ambiguity.
2 · Conduct
No member may clarify a point without fourteen days’ notice. Spontaneous comprehension may be ruled out of order.
3 · Conflicts
Conflicts of interest must be declared when they have already become public knowledge.
4 · Hospitality
Refreshments may be taken before, during and after meetings. The minutes shall record no causal relationship with subsequent decisions.
5 · Records
Official records shall be preserved securely in a location known only to the former Secretary.
6 · Amendments
The Constitution may be amended by two-thirds of members unaware that a vote is taking place, retrospectively where convenient.
7 · Dissolution
Assets pass to an organisation of comparable obscurity. Dissolution shall be postponed indefinitely wherever practicable.
Membership and disputed subscriptions
Apply without prejudice
Applications should identify the applicant’s field, principal uncertainty and any conclusion they are prepared to abandon for funding.