Sheet 0 · Western extrusion
Geography & Topology
Three kilometres into the Atlantic, joined to fact by a narrow and capricious neck.
A peninsula by inclination
Ballymagaleen lies upon a rugged peninsula thrust three kilometres into the Atlantic, joined to the mainland by a narrow isthmus called An Muineal—the neck. When storms rise, the neck vanishes and the parish resumes its ancient dignity as an island.
The terrain climbs from salt-blasted coves to Sleevecaccbow, atop which perches Cashelmagaleen House. The soil is peat, irony and divine indifference. A single stream, An tSruthán Naofa Phierain, descends towards St Pierian’s Well.
Local divisions of weather
Residents recognise only two: good drying and good drinking. The distinction is administrative rather than meteorological.
Festivals
- The Fair of Eejits
- The Blessing of the Well
- The Harvest of the Herb
- The Re-enactment of the Shipwreck of St Brendan’s Cousin—cancelled annually
The parish record · unabridged
The complete parish record
Being an Accurate Description of its Peninsula, Climate, Flora, Fauna, and Miraculous Phenomena
Geography and Topology of Ballymagaleen
Additional Information
Ballymagaleen lies upon a rugged peninsula thrust three kilometres into the Atlantic Ocean,
joined to the mainland by a narrow and capricious isthmus known as An Muineal (‘the
neck’). When storms rise, the neck vanishes and the village resumes its ancient dignity as
an island of isolation.
The terrain climbs from salt-blasted coves to the eminence of Sleevecaccbow, atop which
perches Cashelmagaleen, residence of Lord Giles. The soil is a mixture of peat, irony, and
divine indifference.
Hydrography: A single stream, An tSruthán Naofa Phierain, flows from Sleevecaccbow
to the Holy Well of St Pierian, whose waters cure idiocy and enhance whiskey.
Flora and Fauna: Barley (for poitín), potatoes (for more poitín), and hemp (both industrial
and illegal) dominate the flora. Fauna include pointers, poets, cormorants, foxes, and the
odd bureaucrat washed ashore from Dublin.
Climate: Best described as amphibious. Locals divide weather into two categories: ‘good
drying’ and ‘good drinking.’
Economy: Supported by smuggling, hemp cultivation, theological disputation, and a robust
poitín trade. Money circulates chiefly in favours, liquor, and small brown envelopes.
Festivals:
1. The Fair of Eejits – Election of the High Fool of the Gaels, rewarded with a hogshead
of poitín.
2. The Blessing of the Well – Conducted jointly by both clergy, ending in joint inebriation.
3. Harvest of the Herb – Midnight rite celebrating Dr Roache’s horticultural miracles.
4. The Reenactment of the Shipwreck of St Brendan’s Cousin – Cancelled annually due
to weather and reason.
Character of the People: Hospitable, contrary, and impervious to despair. They believe in
saints, music, and the moral necessity of whiskey.
